At times I feel a lot like Elsa, from Disney’s Frozen.
Conceal – Don’t Feel.
Being a mum is hard work.
I love being a mum – well most of the time anyway.
There are times when I don’t like being a mum and despair at the role like when I have a moody 9 year old, a bored 5 year old who says I don’t want to to every suggestion I make and a 3 year old having a meltdown – all at the same time.
Even if it’s done separately it can quite cause me to tear my hair out.
I absolutely find myself at the end of my tether when I see wrappers on the floor, clothes stepped out of and lying there on the carpet and crumbs that just happen to fall on the floor seconds after I have vacuumed. I sometimes don’t know where to start.
Or like the time when I have prepared something that the children like and they decide at the moment that it is served that they don’t like it any more and turn their noses up at it.
Or the time that I have painstakingly been on the internet hunting for the perfect present and have them say, ‘Oh I wanted the other one more.’
Or the time when my toddler decides to have a hissy fit in a crowded train.
I sometimes feel I can’t do anything right. That like Elsa, I will spoil things with my touch.
It’s frustrating. It’s despairing. And I could quite throw myself on the floor and have a tantrum myself. Or throw something at the wall.
But I am a mum, and mums don’t do things like that.
They conceal it. They smile.
I conceal it. I smile.
Even in my saddest moments, I smile. To make the children happy.
And wait for the end of day when they are in bed. And I can crumble. If only for a short while as I complete my pending work and then being tired,physically and mentally, I fall asleep only to have it begin all over again the next day.
It’s hard maintaining that veneer of self control. Wonder when I’ll be singing ‘Let it Go’?
At times I feel I am failing the ‘Mummy Test’ – when I forget a book bag for school, or take a little long to see the brilliant masterpiece of blocks because I am cooking, or don’t find the time to do something with them that I promised I would do and put it off to another day.
But then I see my rewards – the cuddles and kisses and the ‘I love you(s)’.
In fact the other day we were in the tube and the two older ones were playing – GUESS WHO/WHAT I AM THINKING OF?
It was Ethan’s turn for the clue. And he said ‘ I thinking of someone we love most in the world’
Jadyn’s reply was instantaneous ‘Mummy’
Full marks to them.
And it looks like I passed the mummy test with flying colours.