I am Me and I am enough.
I may play different roles – wife, Mum, friend, colleague, writer etc but these are much like acting on a stage where I assume the role at that particular time. I wear different masks and believe me I am really good at swapping them at really short notice.
But this is not me. And recently I have been finding that I do not have enough time to be ‘me’ simply because the roles that I am assuming are consuming me. I am constantly on the go – mentally and physically. When I am not being a mum or a wife, I am a blogger and I am probably taking on more than I care to admit.
In the last few weeks, I have been into London several times doing the rounds for the Christmas in July events with Aeryn in the pushchair in tow. This is no mean feat when one is tackling the London Underground with goody bags hooked on the handles. With every flight of stairs that I encounter, I have to remove her from the buggy, fold it up, carry it with the bags and hold her hand to help her up the stairs. Unless of course, I meet a helpful stranger who helps me carry her in the buggy which has been only on 3 occasions.
Is it really necessary to join the rat race? To be seen at an event?
I could actually ask the brands to send me their Christmas lists/ lookbooks. Yes, I will not get a goody bag but seriously, is that worth the mad trips into London?
Last week, I decided to take a step back and not go. I just needed a break.
And when I stopped and thought about it and it so happened that I was tagged by Pippa who writes at Story of Mum to join her ‘I am Enough’ evening on Twitter, that I realised that ‘I am Enough’ .
I am not the crazy mum doing the school runs (literally), I am not the woman with the messy house thanks to blogging, I am not the woman who seems to have no time. I am not the disorganised person I have become.
I am Me.
I blog because I like writing. But somewhere in between that love of writing, I have been enticed into the world of goodies and please note that I don’t use the word freebies. Because they are not free (any blogger worth their salt will tell you this) and I work mighty hard for them. But I have not been ‘writing’, as I intended that my blog should be – a personal and familial journey of life.
I have lost my inspiration and seem to be going through the motions. Ticking off boxes.
I am exhausted – physically and mentally. But I have decided to make changes.
To stop and smell the roses.
To leave something undone.
To pass up an invitation or a lead.
To ‘hear’ my children’s laughter and join in.
To live and not to exist.
I am Jacinta and I am beautiful. (and no I am not being arrogant here – it’s the Greek meaning of my name)
I am me – and I Am Enough.