So….on Thursday I dropped off two children to school instead of one.
How did I feel? A bit gutted!!
I wanted to run and hug him and bring him home with me as I saw him standing lost at the doorway of the classroom waiting to be told where to hang his coat but I didn’t (I couldn’t).
Instead, I had bid my goodbyes and watched him walk up the four steps to his classroom.
He was sad, I could see it but there were no tears and that made it worse. He’s a stoic, my little one.
I remember with my girl, I was allowed to go in and help her with her coat and see where she had to hang her coat and basically put her at ease.
With my son, there are rules – rules I particularly don’t want to follow.
I felt that I was leaving a bit of myself in school and it made me realise how much a part of me my children are.
I missed his chatter on the way back home which I looked forward to when we used to drop his sister off.
I missed being with him during the day – having him ask for a drink, lunch and a sweet. (He has a sweet tooth)
I missed him cuddling up and saying ‘I love you Mummy’!
I worried – the entire morning – was he sad? Would the teacher know what he wanted? Would he be able to say what he wanted for lunch?
Would he miss me as much as I missed him?
I remember the day he was born and I held him in my arms for the first time – the best feeling anyone can have.
I thought of his first words, his first steps.
I looked at the clock several times hoping that time would pass so I could go and bring him home again.
And when the time came, I made sure that I was well in time.
I saw him looking still a bit sad but happy to see me, happy to come home.
There was a cake and a little present to celebrate his first day at school.
A big step for one so small.
An even bigger step for me!